me and covid
As a therapist, sometimes I feel I am holding space for our collective human history, our current crises, and the infinite possibilities ahead of us. It is an odd thing to say how grateful I am to be experiencing the challenges caused by the Covid-19 pandemic, but I believe I am witnessing my generation’s shift in human evolution. There have been many prior transformations caused by plagues, wars, famines, industrial advancements and the like, but the speed at which we are now changing, evolving and growing is a hundred-fold faster due to our technological advancements and global connectedness.
A single thought can span the earth with a touch of a button. That one thought can be multiplied by a billion if it becomes “viral”. We are slowly moving away from solely relying on our five senses into an energetic world that will require a deeper inner search for the meaning of our existence. We are birthing a new human into being and I feel I am one of the million or more midwives helping guide the process, as the world contracts in agony in order to expand with more spaciousness for everyone. Pandemics, world wars, human rights violations, terrorist attacks and other major chaotic events and catastrophes, shake us to the core. We are in the midst of experiencing such an event and how we proceed, what happens next and the world we create will depend on the choices we make now.
My part in this pandemic, as a psychotherapist, is to hold the space for my clients as they suffer, anguish, despair and grow. I do not feel responsible for the masses, but I do have individuals, couples and families that connect with me each week, seeking support as they confront their personal emotional upheavals. I believe we are collectively suffering from losing what we defined to be normal and displaying any one of the stages in the grieving process from “denial” to “bargaining” and even making valiant attempts at “acceptance”.
Sometimes I practice mindfulness exercises with my clients to demonstrate how toxic narratives around covid-19 can cause intense anxiety while the truth of the present moment reality is entirely calm, peaceful, and completely safe. In general, we can all benefit from meditation practices especially now as we are constantly bombarded with news on how the rising number of infections and deaths are exhausting our already stressed medical system. We need to be mindful of how we create our own panic and dread when we allow our fears to take control of our thoughts and project us into future scenes which are not currently happening.
In this moment, we are asking ourselves some very difficult existential questions as we face our mortality and wonder whether the life we have is the one we want to continue living, once we are allowed to resume our routines and pursue our goals. Many of us are questioning our life choices. Is this person right for me? Who am I if I am not my job? Do I want to have baby on my own? Am I worthy of love? It is true that these questions are some of the typical reasons why clients usually come to therapy, but right now it feels like everything is accelerated and time is of the essence.
Sometimes I feel I am playing the role of protector and guide during this spiritual awakening. These meaning of life conversations are becoming more common place amongst my clients, and we have a chance to discuss all the “woo woo” stuff without judgment or ridicule. We talk about reincarnation, past lives, how to make the most of this one, faith and religion, and anything that feels a bit too out there to share with friends or family.
As for me and Covid-19, I am at peace. Sometimes I fluctuate with exhaustion or anxiety, and then return to gratitude and peace once more. It has been a very long and arduous journey to get where I am, and I know life will always find a way to remind me how much I still have to learn and how little I actually understand about anything. But one thing I know for sure is how I feel when I can help another human being in distress, without attachment, without needing praise or validation, just the opportunity to serve. And so I will be here, for as long as life and destiny allow, continuing to sit in loving presence with anyone who needs to feel heard and understood.